Super Funny Jokes in English

Super Funny Jokes in English

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
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A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?" 
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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? 
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. 
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. 
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
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Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" 
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? 
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Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? 
Johnny: Nothing, sir. 
Headmaster: Exactly. 
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Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?" 
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?" 
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!" 
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!" 
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A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. 
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. 
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A: Why are you crying? 
B: The elephant is dead. 
A: Was he your pet? 
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave. 
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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.
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PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?" 
TEACHER:" Of course not." 
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework." 
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A teacher asked a student to write 55. 
Student asked: How? 
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! 
The student wrote 5 and stopped. 
teacher: What are you waiting for? 
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5! 
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When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: "Green, green!" 
They answer: "Yellow?" 
They ask: "White?" 
They hang up: "Pink!"

While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone. 
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Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? 
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? 
Little Johnny: But I asked first! 
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Two goldfish in a bowl talking: 
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? 
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
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Son: Dad, what is an idiot? 
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? 
Son: No.
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Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. 
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself. 
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you. 
Woman: Let's start from your bank account. 
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Teacher: Why are you late? 
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. 
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? 
Student: No. I was standing on it.